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saluki
He was a strange-looking greyhound, especially with those funny tufts of hair on his ears and elbows.

I just met a strange old greyhound in the park who had some weird ideas about history and the Lore of the Great Greyhounds.

The Lore, of course, is the great guide to our breed, passed on to all puppies by their mothers in the first weeks of life. It hasn't changed for generations. It teaches us about the grace and gentleness which are at the core of our physical beings. And it teaches us about the unconditional love we offer to all creatures, even less advanced ones like hoomans, and excepting only anything small, fluffy and moving.

This is at the heart of our spiritual being.

The Lore teaches about the greatest of all the Great Greyhounds, the First Greyhounds, the Mothers and Fathers of our breed who arrived on Earth in 1912 from parts unknown. They came in the company of the Great Hare, also known as The Uncatchable. GH installed himself on Earth's first Running Rail, gathered the Greyhounds and the hoomans around him, and said, "Catch me if you can."

"Okay!" said the Greyhounds.

"We'd rather watch and drink beer," said the hoomans.

And so the world as we know it came to be.

But the silly old Greyhound in the park had an entirely different story. The Great Hare, he said, was invented in 1912 by a hooman named Owen Patrick Smith and was not a being from the cosmos at all. What's more, he said Greyhounds are far more ancient than the Lore tells us, having been around for at least 3,000 years, and being closely related by blood to Salukis, Earth's most venerable dog breed.

Salukis, said the old Grey, have been around for about 8,000 years, are possibly the first dog breed to diverge from wolves, and generally consider themselves the best-looking creatures in the known universe. They are also rumoured to be able to run just as fast as greyhounds but, like hoomans, they refuse to chase the Great Hare. They don't drink beer, though.

What a strange story. I don't believe it, of course, and I have never even seen a Saluki. I guess they are just a product of the old dog's vivid imagination, or a wandering old mind. Still, the picture he painted made me wonder what a real Saluki might look like.

The old guy didn't quite look like a Greyhound, in fact, and with that slightly distant and faintly superior manner, he didn't quite act like one either.
greyhound, daisy
Thinking about it, I really like the old guy's story. Wouldn't it be nice if his version were right.

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The eyes that the aliens gave me

March 11th 2010 09:46
pet dog greyhound scratchy

I have laser eyes. They were implanted by aliens when they dognapped me for two weeks last year. They lured me into their spaceship with chocolate-coated beef spare ribs.

After giving me my laser eyes they brought me home, but somehow no time had passed on Earth and no-one knew I had been gone.

The aliens didn't leave any chocolate-coated spare ribs.

The laser eyes allow me to see through brick walls, read the thoughts of poodles and throw rottweilers across the other side of a street just by blinking.

What? Yes, I know, I've been watching too much TV.

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Another racer, another bullet

March 11th 2010 05:41
pet dog greyhound

Old mate Paul Hassing has just posted a comment on Twitter about the news that a horse in the racing stable of leading Australian trainer David Hayes had to be put down today due to injuries suffered during trackwork last weekend.

Our Aqaleem suffered a suspected fractured shoulder on Saturday in his final hit-out before next weekend's Australia Cup, a Group 1 race for which Our Aqaleem was one of the more fancied starters.

The loss comes one day after the same stable lost another horse, Changingoftheguard, which died of a ruptured bowel during a routine gelding operation.

Hassing's comment was this: 1. Raise horse. 2. Castrate. 3. Race. 4. Injure. 5. Kill. What fun!

What fun indeed. And just remember that horse trainers are, relatively, the good guys. When it comes to greyhound racing, many trainers don't need No. 4 to kill them.

For more on that, and the man in the picture above, go here.

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girl and puppy

Most of the clients of Antoine Goetschel, a lawyer in Zurich, Switzerland, are animals. Goetschel represents mostly dogs, cats and cows, although in a high-profile case last month he represented a dead fish.

Goetschel is at the forefront of Switzerland's animal rights movement, and Switzerland is at the forefront of the global animal rights movement.

Well, it was until Sunday, when voters rejected a plan to allow all abused animals the right to legal representation.

Sunday's referendum needs some historical perspective.

Two years ago, Switzerland put into practice animal protection laws which, according to some, led the world and, according to others, took animal rights to untenable lengths. According to the Swiss law, for example, it is an offence to keep just one pig or one goldfish — you must have at least two so they can keep each other company. And dog owners have to attend an accredited training course to learn how to care correctly for pets.

Despite these elaborate provisions, animal rights advocates said the Swiss laws did not go far enough. They said the laws in place were not being sufficiently strictly applied, and they wanted to expand nationally a law existing in Zurich since 1992 which allows the appointment of special lawyers to represent the animals in animal abuse cases.

The Swiss government decided that was a step too far, but instead of vetoing the idea, agreed to conduct a referendum. The result: 70.5 per cent of voters cast their ballot against stricter implementation of the code and addition of the special animal lawyers.

Public opinion may have been significantly influenced by Antoine Goetschel's dead fish case. A Zurich court heard the case of a fisherman accused of cruelty for taking 10 minutes to land a pike. Goetschel was in court representing the dead pike.

The court found the angler not guilty. The nation found the case for more such prosecutions unproven.


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Scratchy's diary: dozy Little Boss

March 6th 2010 23:13
scratchy greyhound
Every evening, as the city settles, as dinner digests, as we attend to domestic duties such as cleaning paws and finding nooks and crannies to lick and lick again — every night as these things unfold, Little Boss goes to sleep on the sofa.

scratchy greyhound

scratchy greyhound

scratchy greyhound

scratchy greyhound


Absolutely no stamina, that hooman.


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pet dog greyhound scratchy daisy

It was 4.15am and not a creature was stirring all through the house. Except Daisy, who was in the back-yard conservatory waking the neighbourhood with a shrill barking which was almost hysterical.

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pet dog greyhound scratchy daisy

I heard something in the middle of the night. Big Brindle didn't hear it, but then he has trouble hearing anything when he's asleep because his stomach is making so much noise trying to digest the dinner he always refuses to chew.

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pet dog greyhound scratchy

No idea what Short Black was doing awake at that hour, but I heard her calling me to come help with something she had cornered in the conservatory. She sounded slightly frantic, so out I went to help.

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Scratchy's diary: My February 14 treat

February 13th 2010 22:11
pet dog greyhound scratchy

The Big Boss was particularly affectionate to the Little Boss this morning, as if February 14 is some special day. He called her "Valentine". That's a new one — how many names can one person have?

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Where's Solomon when you need him?

February 12th 2010 10:43
A teenage boy in New Zealand has done entirely the wrong thing — or has he? — by stealing his own dog from a veterinary surgery where it was about to be humanely euthanised.

The five-month old puppy, named Buck, was taken to the vet after being hit by a car. Buck was diagnosed with a broken leg and his owner, Bronson Stewart, 18, was told he had two options: pay NZ$2,500 to have the leg pinned, or pay $800 to have the leg amputated


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