Cat food
December 20th 2010 04:38
Message for Scratchy
DOG NEWS: Presented by Daisy and Scratchy
Daisy: A man has appeared in a court in New York facing animal cruelty charges. It is alleged he tried to marinate his cat so he could eat it.
Scratchy: Tell me more.
Daisy: The cat was found in the boot of a car being driven Gary Korkuc, of Cheektowaga, New York, when police pulled him over for running a stop sign.
Scratchy: No, I mean tell me more about the marinade.
Daisy: Scratchy, this is a story about cruelty to animals. This man not only planned to eat his cat, he was guilty of cruel and repulsive forethought through planning to marinate the poor thing.
Scratchy: Olive oil, no doubt. There are questions over the quantity of garlic and whether or not to use chilli. Lemon zest would also be interesting.
Daisy: You're as disgusting as he is. For your information, the cat was unharmed and was adopted almost instantly following the incident.
Scratchy: What are the penalties for animal cruelty? It's cruel how much Big Boss underfeeds me.
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Comment by heidiclyde
Not so long ago you were saying you wanted a cat for a friend or was that a friand? It is lucky I've seen this before Clyde did, I at least understand the opinion that the only good cat is a dead one even if Clyde is beginning to mellow my opinion. Do please consider his feelings and temper your combination of greed and cats a little.
licks,
Heidi.
Comment by Chris Champion
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I looked up "friand" in Big Boss's word book and found that, in Australian and New Zealand, it means a type of cake with fruit or other stuff eaten with coffee, while in France it means a sausage wrapped in puff pastry.
Give me the poodle food for choice but, either way, cool word!
Clyde digs cats? Wow.
Wags,
Scratch
Comment by heidiclyde
How did you ever manage such a brain taxing task as looking a word up in a word book? And am I to understand that you, the greediest creature on this planet, didn't know the name of a perfectly acceptable source of food?
I know Clyde is a little slow in the brain department but at least he can remember what he likes and what he wants beyond the great question of food. To quote your epic of the 12th of last month:-
"It's through that story that I learned they are called cats. The thing is, I did know what I wanted to do with that cornered cat. I wanted to do what Miles is doing in the picture, and what you used to do with the cat you knew.
I wanted to be best friends.
Wags and stuff,
Scratchy"
You have just proven to be, as I have suspected for some time, far more of a doofus than my old boy Clyde. In fact, compared to your apparently demented one, Clyde has a perfectly good brain, a bit of a slow one I'll admit but never the less, perfectly good by comparison.
My sincerest sympathy to my dear friend Daisy,
Heidi.
Comment by Chris Champion
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I like looking up food words. If that makes me a Smartie, so be it.
Comment by heidiclyde
Mate, dun josh with me, yer'd nut go an eat er cat would yer? Yer wern't havin' me on abaht wantin ter be friends with one? Yer me best friend now, an I'd just abaht toss in me alley if I thought yer'd go an eat me last best friend.
Dun worry abaht ol' Heidi, she bungs on er blue all'a time, sticks in her bib whenever she thinks I'm in trouble, she's er good ol stick most ov ther time but.
Wags,
Clyde.
Looking up words makes you a smartie? Scratchy you are definitely delusional. It would take more than a dictionary to make you smart, the only thing I can think of would be a large transfer of exceptional genetic material from someone like Daisy.
Heidi.
Comment by Chris Champion
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I'm so misunderstood. It's my ironic sense of humour and brilliantly understated self-deprecation. I should have been on stage.
S
Comment by Chris Champion
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If you were a bit Smartier you would have seen it was a pun.
Comment by heidiclyde
I knew it was a pun but as you didn't appreciate my sophisticated play on friend and friand I supposed you'd done it accidentally, not surprising really considering all that has gone before.
Heidi.
Ows ut goin mate? o'right?
I dun unnerstan whut yer sayin, dus yer mean yer really were joshin me?
I got on the stage when I won ther big ones, yer goes up ther ramp an stands still whilst they puts er rug on yer, yer feel a real dill, proud but.
We goes onter ther stage when ne dus GAP parades, brings back ther memories orl right!
Clyde.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Chris Champion
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Stepping On Toes, is the name given to me. And Two Left Feet. I pay twice what others do for shoes.
Comment by Chris Champion
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Comment by heidiclyde
I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm sure Norm is referring to my beautiful play of friend and friand.
That is definitely the most elegant pun seen on this blog, it certainly leaves the painful efforts the Missus is sending to you for dead!
Your admirer,
Heidi.
Comment by Chris Champion
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I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm sure Norm never knows what he is referring to, let alone anyone else understanding his meaning.
Possibly, Heidi dear, but don't you go getting a big head about this. If you do, I'll have to PUNish you. I have any number of inelegant puns with which to administer said PUNishment.
Ear scratches,
Chris
Comment by heidiclyde
Heidi's bin puttin tickets on herself orl right!
Y'know sometimes ther plurry Sheilas get so up themselves yer wonder they dun go up like a plurry balloon. An now ol Scratch is usin big words an stuff too I dun know as I'm gunna be able ter unnerstand anythin any more.
I reacon I'll just hev'to go bush fer er bit.
Clyde.
Comment by Chris Champion
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I wasn't really trying to put Heidi in her place. It was more a bit of playing with words. She's pretty good at it, and it's a bit of pun - I mean, fun.
Scratch likes words too, although he's not always as accurate with them as Heidi.
As for you, my friend, you don't have to be anything other than what you are (unless it's a bit fatter). We all rely on your level-headedness.
Hugs,
Chris