Dear Kylie
April 2nd 2009 23:21
We have been given permission to reproduce the following letter from Clyde, a greyhound with sophisticated, if idiosyncratic, literary aspirations, to the editor of the newsletter of the Greyhound Adoption Program in South Australia. We love the letter, but then we're biased because it's all about us.
Love,
Daisy and Scratchy
-----
Y'know Kylie, sometimes I get real flummoxed by things. Y'know how I us'ter like ther Missus readin' Princess Pretzel to us?
Well ther Missus now reads us an even better one by a bloke called Chris Champion about Scratchy an' Daisy whot you told her abaht. It's real good'oh, but I got worried abaht the last one where Scratchy had a gutser an knocked ther stufin' out uv Daisy an' Daisy sed rude things ter him.
We've got a real elegant Greyhound girl called Abby fosterin' here at ther moment an' she an' Heidi get on real well. Heidi is me good mate most uv ther time but sometimes she acts like she thinks she's Christmas on a stick an she's real rude ter me too. When ther Missus read abaht poor Scratchy wantin' a tickle an' gettin inter trouble frum Daisy, Heidi gave Abby a look an said "Huh, Boy dogs, aren't they impossible" an I said, "Hang on, he dun mean ter come a cropper, Daisy dun haf ter be so rude, I reckon I should write ter Scratchy an tell him I think he's bonza".
Then Heidi laughed at me an' said "What d'yer think this is? Bush Week? She said I wuldn' know how ter write ter him an even if I did he wuldn' unnerstan' anything I said. She said he's a real city slicker, she said he knows all ther real big words like Daisy used at him, an dun talk busd lingo like mine.
I sed "But aren't most uv ther Greyhounds city slickers? Dun they unnerstan me lingo?" an Heidi seys they are an they dunt! Yer just puts me letter in ter fill up space! Kylie I dun know whether I'm counter sunk or punch drilled, I'm all over the shop an out uv sorts. Is Heidi right or jus showin off ter Abby an feedin me a load uv old cobblers? Der yer know if people want ter read me letters or do they think I've got a couple uv 'roos loose in ther top paddock an I'm as borin as bat shit? Geeze, I feel like a Bandicoot on a burnt ridge, I like writin' ter yu But I dun wunt ter be a berk. I tells yer what though. I dun care what Heidi says about Scratchy. Daisy hurt his feelin's. Hev yer seen terdays bit? It ses he likes hidin his head. I reckon he's feelin as flat as a tack 'cos uv what Daisy sed an he's hidin' his head 'cos she's dark at him.
I still want ter tell him I think he's Bonza.
Can yer ask people if they like me stuff? I'll pull me head in if they wunt me to.
Love,
Daisy and Scratchy
-----
Y'know Kylie, sometimes I get real flummoxed by things. Y'know how I us'ter like ther Missus readin' Princess Pretzel to us?
Well ther Missus now reads us an even better one by a bloke called Chris Champion about Scratchy an' Daisy whot you told her abaht. It's real good'oh, but I got worried abaht the last one where Scratchy had a gutser an knocked ther stufin' out uv Daisy an' Daisy sed rude things ter him.
We've got a real elegant Greyhound girl called Abby fosterin' here at ther moment an' she an' Heidi get on real well. Heidi is me good mate most uv ther time but sometimes she acts like she thinks she's Christmas on a stick an she's real rude ter me too. When ther Missus read abaht poor Scratchy wantin' a tickle an' gettin inter trouble frum Daisy, Heidi gave Abby a look an said "Huh, Boy dogs, aren't they impossible" an I said, "Hang on, he dun mean ter come a cropper, Daisy dun haf ter be so rude, I reckon I should write ter Scratchy an tell him I think he's bonza".
Then Heidi laughed at me an' said "What d'yer think this is? Bush Week? She said I wuldn' know how ter write ter him an even if I did he wuldn' unnerstan' anything I said. She said he's a real city slicker, she said he knows all ther real big words like Daisy used at him, an dun talk busd lingo like mine.
I sed "But aren't most uv ther Greyhounds city slickers? Dun they unnerstan me lingo?" an Heidi seys they are an they dunt! Yer just puts me letter in ter fill up space! Kylie I dun know whether I'm counter sunk or punch drilled, I'm all over the shop an out uv sorts. Is Heidi right or jus showin off ter Abby an feedin me a load uv old cobblers? Der yer know if people want ter read me letters or do they think I've got a couple uv 'roos loose in ther top paddock an I'm as borin as bat shit? Geeze, I feel like a Bandicoot on a burnt ridge, I like writin' ter yu But I dun wunt ter be a berk. I tells yer what though. I dun care what Heidi says about Scratchy. Daisy hurt his feelin's. Hev yer seen terdays bit? It ses he likes hidin his head. I reckon he's feelin as flat as a tack 'cos uv what Daisy sed an he's hidin' his head 'cos she's dark at him.
I still want ter tell him I think he's Bonza.
Can yer ask people if they like me stuff? I'll pull me head in if they wunt me to.
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Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
I know a fair bit about that, my dad was trainer of harness racing horses, my older brother drove them, and now my little brother owns and races them. One of his was recently sent to the doggers because she didn't try.
Comment by Chris Champion
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Absolutely fantastic is right, and the idea of people doing a similar job for horses is a brilliant one. I for one hadn't heard of the need.
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
It used to break my father's heart and make my mother's eyes well with tears, but in the horse racing game, it's a fact of life. My horse, Ginger, was probably the slowest horse ever in my father's stable, but while I was at school, and riding her, she lived. After I moved out and was settled in my adult life, Dad sent her to the doggers, and asked my new husband to let me know.
It was sad, but if they can't race and be in with a chance at the money, well there's plenty who might be able to get there.
Comment by Chris Champion
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So it mirrors the tragedy of the greyhound racing industry. Except the dogs that don't make it just get quietly shot and buried. The other difference is GAP, which probably manages to place only a small percentage of the failed dogs (and some of the retired ones), but that's more help than the horses get.
Two big largely unheard stories.
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
If it hadn't been for the friend being a little soft, and also having won a bit of money backing this horse, the gelding would have ended up where most of them go.
Some go as hacks, but not very many. I know that many, many slow greyhounds ended up thrown down one trainers well about ten kilometres from where I live. It's a tough life, and it's not for the soppy.
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
Comment by Chris Champion
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Most stories have two sides. Thanks for showing us the best side of the greyhound industry story.
Comment by Carolyn Cordon
Light Within
How do You Express Your Creativity?
Food Leaf
Thanks for sharing the details about the GAP program. I had some idea about it, but I'm quite sure most people had no idea about it.
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
None of which answers his question, do people like his stuff or do they think he's just a berk? Daisy and Scratchy's opinion doesn't quite count, although Clyde is grinning like a rat with a gold tooth since I read their letter out to him (and explained the big words) they are hounds and bound to be polite.