Daisy's Diary: The Scratching Seat
May 3rd 2010 07:31
One of our Scratching Seats, seen through the walls of the noisy water machine space
Hooman beings are slow creatures with poor eyesight and a non-existent sense of smell. They don't bark or whine and they smell funny because they don't lick themselves frequently enough. Worst of all, they have dry noses.
They invented dog food, it is true, but this is a poor substitute for fresh gazelle from the bone, caught after the thrill of a chase through ancient grassland and forests with unpolluted breezes under clear skies and ... but I digress.
Hooman beings have invented just three truly useful things: the plastic bucket, which thoroughly beats a gazelle pee-tainted puddle for drinking out of; cushions, which are the greatest luxuy in the known universe; and the Scratching Seat.
In our home, there are two Scratching Seats, both in a corner of the Hooman Little Rooms.
In these strange rooms, Hoomans have noisy water machines under which they stand to get wet. In this disgracefully wasteful way, they change their smell from Awful to Soapful. They'd smell so much better, and use a lot less water, if they learned to lick.
The Scratching Seat is the saving grace of the Little Rooms. What happens is this: the Hoomans, feeling an urge to be cuddle a Dog, sit down on the seat. The Dogs then run up for an ear scratch. The seats are well-designed - just the right height for a greyhound ear scratch.
Our Hoomans, unfortunately, don't know how to use the Scratching Seats all that well. Big Boss gives a quick scratch and then insists on reading the newspaper. Little Boss says, "No, no, no, out, out, out," but then laughs and gives a quick scratch anyway.
There's a trick to optimising the benefits of the Scratching Seat. You need to be a little pushy.
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