Dog News - Greyhound Zoom

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Scratchy: Guys, we’ve just heard from Big Boss, and we have an emergency! He’s still in that New Zealand place and he says he’s in love – firstly with New Zealand but, secondly, with another dog!

Daisy: Would you calm down, you out-of-control canine. He likes all dogs. This one lived at a lodge he stayed at and they became good friends. She probably reminded him of us.

Scratchy: How could she remind him of us? She’s a German shepherd!

Daisy: Big Boss had two German shepherds before he had greyhounds.

Scratchy: But what if this one converts him? What he if wants to go back to his shepherd days?

Daisy: Good question, really. The way you carry on, it must indeed be tempting … Scratchy, I didn’t mean it Scratchy. Oh, do stop whimpering. Big Boss is not going to abandon us.

Scratchy: How can you be sure?

Daisy: Because he’s already put up with you for three years. You really need to work on your sense of self-worth.

Scratchy: Perhaps if I offer to eat less, he’ll like me more.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: German shepherd, Greyhound, Dog News

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Grey areas in respectability

March 9th 2011 03:26

DOG NEWS: Presented by Daisy and Scratchy
Daisy: There is an interesting item in today’s news which raises questions about respectable human behaviour.

Scratchy: Humans can behave respectably?

Daisy: Of course they can, Scratchy. Much human behaviour is perfectly respectable.

Scratchy: Then why don’t I get more to eat?

Daisy: The news is about a man who is suing a woman for stealing his foot.

Scratchy: She stole his foot?

Daisy: Yes, and she has admitted as much. The man was involved in a serious car accident in Florida in September 2008. The woman attended the accident in her role as a firefighter-paramedic.

Scratchy: And she stole his foot?

Daisy: She found his left foot and part of a leg at the scene after he had been rushed to hospital. And she took them. The reason she gave was that she intended using them in the training of her body recovery dog.

Scratchy: Her dog eats bodies?

Daisy: No, you witless flea-farm. Body recovery dogs are important at disaster scenes to help find victims, both alive and deceased. She trained and deployed such a dog. She, the trainer, is named Cynthia Economous, and she no longer works as a firefighter-paramedic. But this week the man whose foot she took sued her.

Scratchy: What for?

Daisy: For actions which were, and I quote, “outrageous and went beyond the bounds of decency” and which were “odious and utterly intolerable in a civilised society''.

Scratchy: I bet her dog gets fed better than I do. And don’t call me a flea-farm.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Dog News

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Cat food

December 20th 2010 04:38

Message for Scratchy

DOG NEWS: Presented by Daisy and Scratchy

Daisy: A man has appeared in a court in New York facing animal cruelty charges. It is alleged he tried to marinate his cat so he could eat it.

Scratchy: Tell me more.

Daisy: The cat was found in the boot of a car being driven Gary Korkuc, of Cheektowaga, New York, when police pulled him over for running a stop sign.

Scratchy: No, I mean tell me more about the marinade.

Daisy: Scratchy, this is a story about cruelty to animals. This man not only planned to eat his cat, he was guilty of cruel and repulsive forethought through planning to marinate the poor thing.

Scratchy: Olive oil, no doubt. There are questions over the quantity of garlic and whether or not to use chilli. Lemon zest would also be interesting.

Daisy: You're as disgusting as he is. For your information, the cat was unharmed and was adopted almost instantly following the incident.

Scratchy: What are the penalties for animal cruelty? It's cruel how much Big Boss underfeeds me.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Animal stories, Greyhound, Cats, Dog News, News

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I now pronounce you man and dog

December 3rd 2010 02:20

Of course I wish cousin Honey every happiness, but I have to admit that having a human in the family makes me uncomfortable.

Daisy: A man in Toowoomba, Queensland, has married his dog.

Scratchy: Did you just have a bad dream?

Daisy: It’s true. The man is 20 years old, the dog is five years old. She’s a Labrador.

Scratchy: Cut it out Daisy. Are you trying to put me off my dinner? I mean, who would want to marry a human?

Daisy: I know what you mean, but this is a true story. It’s right here in the newspaper.

Scratchy: Must be true then.

Daisy: Her name is Honey.

Scratchy: Sweet. Can she cook?

Daisy: His name is Joseph Guiso. He’s a student, and he describes himself as straight, single and Catholic. He claimed he could no longer stand the guilt of living with Honey out of wedlock.

Scratchy: Can he cook?

Daisy: During the wedding ceremony, the pair held hand and paw, and Guiso vowed, “You're my best friend and you make every part of my day better.''

Scratchy: Every part of his day? This is getting dark, dangerous and dumb. And let me tell you, creating lists of alliterative words on subjects which have nothing to do with food makes me hungry.

Daisy: Guiso told the wedding guests – apparently 30 family and friends attended – that the union was “not sexual”.

Scratchy: Well, that’s a relief. Still leaves questions about motives. I think we can cross out puppy love. Maybe she really can cook.

Daisy: The report says the idea for a wedding came during a walk through a park one day. They saw a wedding taking place and Guiso said to Honey, “That could be us.” Apparently Honey didn’t say anything in reply, and Guiso took that as a “yes”.

Scratchy: How long ‘til dinner?

The Chronicle, Toowoomba

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Breeds, Greyhound, Labrador, Dog News, Dog dialogue, News, Pet issues

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Mop Press: New Clyde found

November 5th 2010 01:58

Daisy: They are stealing our ideas, if not our thunder, in Hollywood.

Scratchy: So long as they aren't stealing our food.

Daisy: A woman named Jaime van Wye has opened a dog “social petworking club” and called it Zoom Room. She may have wanted to call it Zoomies, but found the name taken.

Scratchy: I joined a social networking club once. We swapped recipes.

Daisy: Petworking, not networking. It’s a play on words, Scratchy, something you’ve probably never heard of. Anyway, van Wye also has a dog named Clyde.

Scratchy: Hey, that name's taken!

Daisy: Correct. Let it be known that Clyde is a Platinum Card-carrying Friend of Zoomies. And that's not him in the photographs with Jaime. Our Clyde has more manageable hair.

Scratchy: If she insists on using her Clyde in promotional shots, she should rename her business Groomies.

Daisy: Scratchy, that's a play on words! It's also the first time in all your six years that you have expressed a sentiment completely unrelated to food. Can we expect more of such wit, erudition and worldly connection?

Scratchy: How long to dinner?
San Francisco Chronicle; images: Associated Press

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Greyhound, Dog News, Dog dialogue

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Teacher's pet

September 22nd 2010 03:33

Paula the Labrador helps out in the classroom at Leopoldschule, Karlsruhe, Germany.

DOG NEWS: Presented by Daisy and Scratchy
There is an interesting news item today about a program in Germany where they are using dogs as teaching aids in schools with special needs kids. They had a sweet picture of a Labrador looking at an exercise book, and a witty heading about wagging school

[ Click here to read more ]

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