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Cat food

December 20th 2010 04:38

Message for Scratchy

DOG NEWS: Presented by Daisy and Scratchy

Daisy: A man has appeared in a court in New York facing animal cruelty charges. It is alleged he tried to marinate his cat so he could eat it.

Scratchy: Tell me more.

Daisy: The cat was found in the boot of a car being driven Gary Korkuc, of Cheektowaga, New York, when police pulled him over for running a stop sign.

Scratchy: No, I mean tell me more about the marinade.

Daisy: Scratchy, this is a story about cruelty to animals. This man not only planned to eat his cat, he was guilty of cruel and repulsive forethought through planning to marinate the poor thing.

Scratchy: Olive oil, no doubt. There are questions over the quantity of garlic and whether or not to use chilli. Lemon zest would also be interesting.

Daisy: You're as disgusting as he is. For your information, the cat was unharmed and was adopted almost instantly following the incident.

Scratchy: What are the penalties for animal cruelty? It's cruel how much Big Boss underfeeds me.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Animal stories, Greyhound, Cats, Dog News, News

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I now pronounce you man and dog

December 3rd 2010 02:20

Of course I wish cousin Honey every happiness, but I have to admit that having a human in the family makes me uncomfortable.

Daisy: A man in Toowoomba, Queensland, has married his dog.

Scratchy: Did you just have a bad dream?

Daisy: It’s true. The man is 20 years old, the dog is five years old. She’s a Labrador.

Scratchy: Cut it out Daisy. Are you trying to put me off my dinner? I mean, who would want to marry a human?

Daisy: I know what you mean, but this is a true story. It’s right here in the newspaper.

Scratchy: Must be true then.

Daisy: Her name is Honey.

Scratchy: Sweet. Can she cook?

Daisy: His name is Joseph Guiso. He’s a student, and he describes himself as straight, single and Catholic. He claimed he could no longer stand the guilt of living with Honey out of wedlock.

Scratchy: Can he cook?

Daisy: During the wedding ceremony, the pair held hand and paw, and Guiso vowed, “You're my best friend and you make every part of my day better.''

Scratchy: Every part of his day? This is getting dark, dangerous and dumb. And let me tell you, creating lists of alliterative words on subjects which have nothing to do with food makes me hungry.

Daisy: Guiso told the wedding guests – apparently 30 family and friends attended – that the union was “not sexual”.

Scratchy: Well, that’s a relief. Still leaves questions about motives. I think we can cross out puppy love. Maybe she really can cook.

Daisy: The report says the idea for a wedding came during a walk through a park one day. They saw a wedding taking place and Guiso said to Honey, “That could be us.” Apparently Honey didn’t say anything in reply, and Guiso took that as a “yes”.

Scratchy: How long ‘til dinner?

The Chronicle, Toowoomba

109

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Breeds, Greyhound, Labrador, Dog News, Dog dialogue, News, Pet issues

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Teacher's pet

September 22nd 2010 03:33

Paula the Labrador helps out in the classroom at Leopoldschule, Karlsruhe, Germany.

DOG NEWS: Presented by Daisy and Scratchy
There is an interesting news item today about a program in Germany where they are using dogs as teaching aids in schools with special needs kids. They had a sweet picture of a Labrador looking at an exercise book, and a witty heading about wagging school.

Scratchy: I could do that.

Daisy: With due respect, Scratchy my friend, what makes you think you could cope with the requirements needed to help in a special school environment?

Scratchy: Three meal breaks.

Daisy: What?

Scratchy: Morning recess, lunch and afternoon recess. Three eat times.

Daisy: You are missing the point, Scratchy. This is a groundbreaking educational initiative. This is about a structured team approach to learning. This is about the children, not you.

Scratchy: And snacks.

Daisy: Pardon?

Scratchy: Kids bring all sorts of snacks from home, and they love to feed dogs. Theoretically, I could eat all day.

news.com.au; image: Agence France Presse

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Labrador, Dog News, Dog dialogue, News

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Dog dialogue: Cat heaven

September 7th 2010 23:57

Scratchy: Did you hear about this guy in America with the breakfast farm?

Daisy: I don't share your predilection for facile humour.

Scratchy: Pree dye what?

Daisy: Nor do I think you should sneer at our feline cousins. The man who set up this farm in Florida has saved about 500 homeless cats.

Scratchy: Good on toast, with sardines on the side.

Daisy: His name is Craig Grant, and he is spending his retirement years building this retreat.

Scratchy: You notice how the letters e-a-t form a considerable portion of the word retreat?

Daisy: He calls it Caboodle Ranch, and says he was inspired by the film "Field of Dreams".

Scratchy: If you salivate, dinner will come.

Daisy: Caboodle Ranch covers 30 acres. All the cats are former strays, many of them abused. Grant, a retired building contractor, has built it all himself. It's a cat city. There's a town hall, police department, a school, a supermarket and lots more. And if the cats get tired of all that, they can go hiking on the nature trails.

Scratchy: I'm hungry.