An unusual turn of speed
January 24th 2011 09:41
Listen, I think I can hear an organic cow.
DAISY: Can you believe the story that woman told on Saturday morning? I still can’t stop laughing.
SCRATCHY: What woman?
DAISY: The one at the bread and baked stuff stall.
SCRATCHY: What bread and baked stuff stall?
DIASY: The one where Little Boss bought the pizza base.
SCRATCHY: Pizza base?
DAISY: Scratchy, do you have tapeworms for brains? Don’t you ever notice anything? One of the stalls at the fresh-produce market we walked through on Saturday had fresh bread and other baked stuff being sold by a woman with white hair and a gentle smile.
SCRATCHY: There was more than one stall at the market on Saturday morning?
DAISY: Of course there were … wait, organic beef.
SCRATCHY: Hmm?
DAISY: There was a stand selling organic beef in various cuts, plus fresh mince and prepared patties, and they had lots of pictures of their stuff. That’s what you were looking at. That’s all you saw, wasn’t it?
SCRATCHY: Hmm?
DAISY: I thought so. So you completely missed the lovely lady’s story about the greyhound who did a U-turn at the start of the race.
SCRATCHY: What? Nobody does a U-turn at the start of a race, Daisy. Believe me, I’ve been there and I know. Far be it from me to point out your lack of, um, first-hand experience in this matter, but you’ll just have to accept the word of someone older and wiser than you.
DAISY: You are extraordinary, Scratchy.
SCRATCHY: Thank you, Daisy. But why do you say that?
DAISY: Because after more than six years of life, you have finally made a speech containing more than two sentences the main theme of which was not food. Pity that it was such garbage.
SCRATCHY: Garbage?
DAISY: Shut up and learn something. The woman at the market told a story about a greyhound who was trained on a farm in the old way, by chasing live hares.
SCRATCHY: That’s illegal.
DAISY: It is, but this was many years ago, and it was not uncommon. So the trainer of this greyhound had gone to the trouble of rigging up a fair copy of a starting stall, and he put the dog in the stall, and then he released the gate a second after releasing a live hare.
SCRATCHY: Are live hares as fast as mechanical ones?
DAISY: Good heavens, a reasonably relevant question. No, Scratchy, they are not, but they have a big advantage over mechanical hares. They can, being alive and all, dodge and dart and turn.
SCRATCHY: That’s hardly fair!
DAISY: Oh shut up. The dog, according to the lovely lady’s story, came out of the starting gate and saw the hare and, of course, took off after it. The hare saw the dog and took off too, but in an unexpected direction. It darted around and past the dog, in a U-turn, and disappeared behind the starting gate assembly.
SCRATCHY: That’s a funny thing to do.
DAISY: Not half as funny as the greyhound’s first start a few days later in a real race. The gates opened and all the dogs ran off in a straight line except one dog who did an instant U-turn, ran behind the starting gates and started sniffing everywhere for a hare.
SCRATCHY: I can’t wait until we go to that market again. That organic beef stall is the stuff of dreams.
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Comment by heidiclyde
I really enjoyed your story, I fell about laughing but Clyde was shocked, racing is serious business to him, it was as if the U-turn dog had broken some sacred rule. Silly old fool.
Magda came today and she had a brand new wizzo contraption on the back of her car, instead of her bringing the bath to us we had to go into the hut on wheels to be bathed!
There was a too small table we had to stand on to be brushed and dried and a too small tub with a door, so we couldn't jump out and shake all over everyone, to be washed in. The Missus says I'm telling furphy's, the bath and table were plenty big enough for sensible dogs that stood still she says, I'd just like her to try it!
Clyde went first and bore it all with his usual stoic patience, old fool, everyone could see he was not happy because his back legs were shaking but according to him if the boss or the Missus say it's all right then it must be all right!
He got in the bath and got washed then he got on the table to be towelled and then he was dried with a noisy blower thing. He said the best bit was being brushed afterwards with the special soft brush Magda has just for us Greyhounds.
Cathy went next, she was so timid she just melted and went all floppy so the Missus held her and cuddled her and I think she even started to enjoy it, a traitor to the cause!
I decided on passive resistance as my ploy, I thought they'd never get me in the horrid bath thing but they just lifted me in and I had to go through with it. AHHHHH!
Actually it wasn't too bad, the bath bit of course was hideous, it was water for goodness sake, but I quite liked the blowing dry bit and the brushing. But! Why should I go through the horrible bath bit to get the blowing and brushing bit? I think I should be allowed to have the bits I like without the water bit. Do you have any ruses I could use to get out of being bathed darling Daisy?
Do you have to have baths? I've been thinking of running away anyway to come to the organic beef market with you and Scratchy, my mouth waters every time we check your blog. Scratchy may be a bit short on brains but he does recognise the important things in life and organic beef definitely sounds like one of them. Do you think Big Boss would come and pick me up if I managed to sneak onto one of the dog trailers coming to Melbourne for the races? First I have to work out how to find one of the trailers - - -
Organic beef to you dear Daisy,
and to Scratchy too,
Heidi.
Comment by Chris Champion
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What a trial baths are for sensitive souls, which of course all greyhounds are except for boy ones. Our baths in the past have been in the back yard, featuring Big Boss, a hose and a bottle of dog shampoo. The worst part is the cold water. Brrr! The best part is a towel-down. Scratchy and I are one on this.
As for Big Boss picking you up if you sneaked into Melbourne, I'm pretty sure he would do anything for you. Clyde too, but I think he has a special soft spot for you.
I'll stop now. I'm getting jealous.
Licks,
Daisy
Comment by heidiclyde
Don't be jealous. Your Big Boss and I do have a special relationship but I can assure you that it is purely platonic. He still belongs to you and Scratchy.
We used to have cold hose baths too with the Missus using the hose. Clyde used to get so cold he'd shiver for hours afterwards and be flat and miserable for the rest of the day, our last one was after the publicity event with the GRSA honeys, when we were body painted (it was an honour to be chosen because only totally quiet, sensible hounds could be used). You should be able to see a picture of a painted Clyde being good publicity for GRSA and GAP on that flat thing we sent you.
The Missus took ages to get the paint out of our coats, I was the worst because it needed more paint to cover my thick coat, Clyde's miserable excuse of a covering of hair took almost no paint at all, he was the one chosen to be painted out in public, the rest of us with decent amounts of hair were done in a quiet private room. Even though cleaning him took half the time cleaning me did he was so miserable afterwards the Missus decided to ask Magda to help. I must admit that warm water and the warm blow dry thingy do make it a somewhat better experience, I just have to work out how to have a dry shampoo first so I can avoid getting wet.
The Missus has been buying the stuff to make another Beyleigh loaf so I might put off running away to organic beef land for a day or two.
Wags,
Heidi