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Cat food

December 20th 2010 04:38

Message for Scratchy

DOG NEWS: Presented by Daisy and Scratchy

Daisy: A man has appeared in a court in New York facing animal cruelty charges. It is alleged he tried to marinate his cat so he could eat it.

Scratchy: Tell me more.

Daisy: The cat was found in the boot of a car being driven Gary Korkuc, of Cheektowaga, New York, when police pulled him over for running a stop sign.

Scratchy: No, I mean tell me more about the marinade.

Daisy: Scratchy, this is a story about cruelty to animals. This man not only planned to eat his cat, he was guilty of cruel and repulsive forethought through planning to marinate the poor thing.

Scratchy: Olive oil, no doubt. There are questions over the quantity of garlic and whether or not to use chilli. Lemon zest would also be interesting.

Daisy: You're as disgusting as he is. For your information, the cat was unharmed and was adopted almost instantly following the incident.

Scratchy: What are the penalties for animal cruelty? It's cruel how much Big Boss underfeeds me.

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Animal stories, Greyhound, Cats, Dog News, News

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I now pronounce you man and dog

December 3rd 2010 02:20

Of course I wish cousin Honey every happiness, but I have to admit that having a human in the family makes me uncomfortable.

Daisy: A man in Toowoomba, Queensland, has married his dog.

Scratchy: Did you just have a bad dream?

Daisy: It’s true. The man is 20 years old, the dog is five years old. She’s a Labrador.

Scratchy: Cut it out Daisy. Are you trying to put me off my dinner? I mean, who would want to marry a human?

Daisy: I know what you mean, but this is a true story. It’s right here in the newspaper.

Scratchy: Must be true then.

Daisy: Her name is Honey.

Scratchy: Sweet. Can she cook?

Daisy: His name is Joseph Guiso. He’s a student, and he describes himself as straight, single and Catholic. He claimed he could no longer stand the guilt of living with Honey out of wedlock.

Scratchy: Can he cook?

Daisy: During the wedding ceremony, the pair held hand and paw, and Guiso vowed, “You're my best friend and you make every part of my day better.''

Scratchy: Every part of his day? This is getting dark, dangerous and dumb. And let me tell you, creating lists of alliterative words on subjects which have nothing to do with food makes me hungry.

Daisy: Guiso told the wedding guests – apparently 30 family and friends attended – that the union was “not sexual”.

Scratchy: Well, that’s a relief. Still leaves questions about motives. I think we can cross out puppy love. Maybe she really can cook.

Daisy: The report says the idea for a wedding came during a walk through a park one day. They saw a wedding taking place and Guiso said to Honey, “That could be us.” Apparently Honey didn’t say anything in reply, and Guiso took that as a “yes”.

Scratchy: How long ‘til dinner?

The Chronicle, Toowoomba

109

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Breeds, Greyhound, Labrador, Dog News, Dog dialogue, News, Pet issues

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