Fluff attack
July 19th 2010 11:07
Outside the supermarket was a vehicle from a foreign place. This was a busy, bustling, city supermarket. The vehicle was from a different world. It had a tray back and a bullbar. The suspension was raised and the tyres were built for rough terrain. Somewhere under the dust traces of white paint could be seen.
Inside the cabin was the dog. Everyone from the land has a dog. This one's back legs were on the seat and its nose was pressed to the window. Its narrowed eyes looked meaningfully at everyone who walked by.
This is my vehicle, it was saying. A working vehicle from the country. A tough vehicle, it said. And if you want to find out how tough I am, just trying coming closer.
There was just one problem. The dog was small, white and fluffy. A Maltese terrier, perhaps. His pink tongue, as he wagged it at the strangers walking by, held all the menace of a lollipop.
Try as he might, he didn't match the vehicle.
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Comment by heidiclyde
Hey mate, Wad's yer Boss on abaht ther furrin ute? Ut cud'a bin ours ceptin ut's green under ther mud an ther Missus had ter drop er canopy onter ut so's she cud carry 3 hounds. Strewth mate, our ute's not furrin, uts a flamin work horse.
We try ter do ther drover's dog act, ther Missus ses we're wus thun ther white fluffy, she says ther drover's dog dun sleep on the job, wad'ud she want us ter do? be dahn on our sleep? Geeze, sum wimmen!
Tells yer whut Scratch, ut's great ter hear yer legs cookin with gas agen, Wish me flamin feet were. Ther new boots are ther ducks guts an me toes feel great but me plurry lumpy wrists keep on gettin rubbed raw an sore. I'm pretty jacked off with ut but I'm still walkin an thuts's bettr'n a poke in ther eye with er burnt stick.
on ya mate,
Clyde.
Comment by Chris Champion
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Well, Big Boss is a city bloke, y'know. He rarely sees a ute, let alone a muddy one. He thinks rubber boots are ...
Scratchy! Get away from that keyboard.
Comment by heidiclyde
Daisy c'n hog ther compooter any plurry time she likes 'n yer spits ther dummy when Scratch jus wunts er yabber with me? Strewth mate, Daisy takes ther piss out'a Scratch often enough,an yer dun reckon he c'n have a go ut you! Yer dun reckon he's gunna be too rude abaht the one whut controls ther food d'yer? He may be a garbla chops short uv a barbie but he's not a complete nong!
Clyde.
Comment by Tracy
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Comment by Chris Champion
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Maltese terriers are lovely. They make perfect lap dogs.
Scratchy says they make perfect breakfasts, but don't listen to him.
Comment by Tracy
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Comment by heidiclyde
You are all bluff but you don't do our image in the wider world much good! You know as well as I do that you wouldn't have got your green collar (are they green in Victoria?) to say you don't have to wear a muzzle in public if you weren't completely safe with little dogs. Stop trying to pretend you are a nasty fierce beast and accept that you are one of the gentlest, least aggressive most affectionate dogs in the world.
Your friend,
Heidi.
G'day Scratch,
D'yer reckon Tracey meant you or me when she said he's adorable? Yer great galah uv er boss reckons ut's ther white fluffy but thut can't be right, can ut? He's nut that lamb brained is he?
Clyde.
Comment by Chris Champion
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Grrr.
Best wishes
The Beast
PS Yes, the collars are green here too.
Hi Clyde,
You're right. And yes, the Boss is that lamb-brained, especially around dinner time. As for Heidi, you can just tell she's one of the Miss Goody Four Paws who didn't cheat at GAP school.
Ciao mate,
S