man marries dog

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I now pronounce you man and dog

December 3rd 2010 02:20

Of course I wish cousin Honey every happiness, but I have to admit that having a human in the family makes me uncomfortable.

Daisy: A man in Toowoomba, Queensland, has married his dog.

Scratchy: Did you just have a bad dream?

Daisy: It’s true. The man is 20 years old, the dog is five years old. She’s a Labrador.

Scratchy: Cut it out Daisy. Are you trying to put me off my dinner? I mean, who would want to marry a human?

Daisy: I know what you mean, but this is a true story. It’s right here in the newspaper.

Scratchy: Must be true then.

Daisy: Her name is Honey.

Scratchy: Sweet. Can she cook?

Daisy: His name is Joseph Guiso. He’s a student, and he describes himself as straight, single and Catholic. He claimed he could no longer stand the guilt of living with Honey out of wedlock.

Scratchy: Can he cook?

Daisy: During the wedding ceremony, the pair held hand and paw, and Guiso vowed, “You're my best friend and you make every part of my day better.''

Scratchy: Every part of his day? This is getting dark, dangerous and dumb. And let me tell you, creating lists of alliterative words on subjects which have nothing to do with food makes me hungry.

Daisy: Guiso told the wedding guests – apparently 30 family and friends attended – that the union was “not sexual”.

Scratchy: Well, that’s a relief. Still leaves questions about motives. I think we can cross out puppy love. Maybe she really can cook.

Daisy: The report says the idea for a wedding came during a walk through a park one day. They saw a wedding taking place and Guiso said to Honey, “That could be us.” Apparently Honey didn’t say anything in reply, and Guiso took that as a “yes”.

Scratchy: How long ‘til dinner?

The Chronicle, Toowoomba

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Posted By: Chris Champion - Category: Breeds, Greyhound, Labrador, Dog News, Dog dialogue, News, Pet issues

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Comments

11 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Norm

December 3rd 2010 21:57

Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power

Master-piece!

Comment by Chris Champion

December 3rd 2010 22:34

Vyoos
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Thanks Norm. I just asked my rubber duck if she'd marry me. We've been together so long and we have shared so many, y'know, compromising moments, that I thought I'd make an honest canard out of her.

To my absolute delight she said nothing.

Will you come to the wedding?

Comment by Norm

December 4th 2010 02:14

Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power

I thought you'd never ask.

I asked my toilet duck. She said, "No, please. No."

Comment by Chris Champion

December 4th 2010 02:32

Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither

Toilet ducks are notorious about changing direction. Please assure her we won't be serving pâté or canardapes. I'm sure we'll see a U-bend in her attitude.