The eyes that the aliens gave me
March 11th 2010 09:46
I have laser eyes. They were implanted by aliens when they dognapped me for two weeks last year. They lured me into their spaceship with chocolate-coated beef spare ribs.
After giving me my laser eyes they brought me home, but somehow no time had passed on Earth and no-one knew I had been gone.
The aliens didn't leave any chocolate-coated spare ribs.
The laser eyes allow me to see through brick walls, read the thoughts of poodles and throw rottweilers across the other side of a street just by blinking.
What? Yes, I know, I've been watching too much TV.
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