Nosy barkers
August 1st 2009 01:49
Lesson number one, boys and girls, in tying shoe laces is this: never try to do it with dogs around.
Tying shoe laces in my house involves two shoes, two hands and two cold noses. The tying of shoe laces is to my dogs what an invitation to a ball might be to a person. And I mean "ball" in two senses of the word. To have a ball is to have a great time, while a formal ball is a glittering occasion which offers a world of social opportunity.
Tying shoe laces holds the promise of all this and more for my dogs. It could mean a walk! It could mean a ride in the car! It could mean a game of bouncy ball in the back yard!
But that's all medium-term possibility. What it also offers is the immediate-term opportunity of sticking cold wet noses all over Big Boss's ears, eyes, hands - anything you can reach, really - while he's bent over trying to lace his shoes.
It's so much fun listening to him squeal.
image: images.teamsugar.com
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Comment by Carolyn Cordon
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Comment by Carolyn Cordon
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Comment by Heidi/Clyde
Yer mate Clyde.
Dear Mr Champion,
I was somewhat alarmed to see your photo of what I presume to be a greatly squashed Scratchy. I must admit I have at times thought it would be an excellent idea to squash the big dope in this household (in more ways than one you understand) but decided on seeing this photo to refrain, the exploding eyes are definitely not an attractive look, although it is obvious on reflection that something would have to give when you squash a nose to this extent.
The Missus has, after rolling around laughing at me most rudely and telling me that I am being ridiculous, explained that you have borrowed someone else's photo. Do you mean to tell me that they actually make dogs that look like this? Now that IS ridiculous!
with kind regards,
Heidi
Comment by Chris Champion
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What's Blunnies? Taste any good? Running around an orchard sounds good. I can get around our back yard in under half a second; Daisy takes just over. What's a city slicker? Taste any good?
Cheers,
Scratch
Dear Heidi,
Yes, it was a borrowed photograph. Don't be alarmed. That's one of a group of dog breeds which Scratchy refers to collectively as "Snack-size".
Warm regards,
Chris
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
Blunnies are boots, Blunstones, an inferior version of RMs. The Missus wears them around the farm where she is most of the time. She wears RMs when she gets dressed up. The Boss wears RMs most of the time because he has to look smart when he is earning that money stuff to keep us fed. (Tell the Big Boss that Clyde has watched the Missus at the computer like a hawk ever since his explanation when Clyde was so rude to him and he hasn't seen her make any of the money stuff yet!) The taste of Blunnies depends on what the Missus has been walking in, when she's been working with the horses they taste really good but she spoils it by washing them. Our orchard is wonderful, the whole orchard is about 2/3 of an acre but only about half of that is fenced for us but it is still big enough to stretch our legs properly. We usually tear around it once or twice a day though Clyde doesn't do it much any more, he is too sore most days and he can't see the trees too well.
You are a city slicker because you live in the city. Having watched the way Clyde licks himself I can only assume that you do taste good.
Your educated friend,
Heidi.
Dear Mister Champion,
I am concerned at the fact that Scratchy so liberally refers to small dogs as snack-size, I can only assume that GAP in Victoria is less strict than they are over here. We have it drummed into us even before we go to our foster homes that we must be nice to small dogs to be allowed to be pets. My understanding is that calling them rude names is not being nice. The Missus says we can think what we like but we must not say it. She says she agrees that the dog in the photo is ridiculous and that a lot of other small dogs are ridiculous but we just must not say it out loud in public. This is one of the small sacrifices we make to become Great Affectionate Pets.
yours faithfully,
Heidi.
Comment by Chris Champion
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Thanks for all those words. I really enjoyed hearing from you. D'ya think we could steal a blinny or two some time and take 'em down to the orchard some time and have a good run and a good chew and a good chinwag?
Your city slicker friend,
Scratchy
My dear Heidi,
Your concern is well-founded, and I won't pretend otherwise. However, the efforts of GAP Victoria really shouldn't be called into question. The fact is that Scratchy is a boy. It wouldn't matter how good a teacher, how exemplary a GAP program, he came under, he will never be anything other than a boy.
It's not that he's all bad. It's just that he's definitely not all good. If you see what I mean.
And please, call me Chris.
Kind pats,
Chris
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
You and Daisy would be welcome to visit anytime, the Blunnies are easy to steal, they are usually lined up at the back door, and we could always blame it on the current foster dog. Clyde says (and I quote) "Geeze it ud be real bonza ter hev Scratchy drop rahnd" we are easy to find, the Missus can give your Bosses directions.
Looking forward to a good bum sniff, race around the orchard, chew and chinwag with you,
Heidi.
Dear Chris,
Thank you for the privilege of using your first name.
I do see what you mean, sometimes I forget what real boys are like. Clyde here is such a daft softy he'd rather curl up with a pussy cat than chase it, he even slept on his trainer's bed with the pet cats when he was meant to be a big tough racing hound!
I apologise for casting nasturtiums at GAP Victoria.
It must be hard for Daisy, a sensitive intelligent hound like me I'm sure, having to put up with Scratchy's male side as well as his dopey nature. At least I only have to put up with Clyde's lack of Couth.
Thank you for the pats, they were much appreciated.
Kind regards,
Heidi.
Comment by Queenie
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The same could be said for cats. I have learnt not to have anything stringy or dangly around Butterscotch or Gingersnap unless I want it to be wrecked. Gingersnap has already chewed my headphones to bits. Bad boys!
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Hear, hear!
Comment by Michaelie
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Love the anticipation inherent in tying shoelaces!
Michaelie
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Comment by Roux
I'm so glad that you explained that the picture above is not a greyhound with a squished nose, it had me scared to death. I mean if I greyhound could look like that what would I look like if someone squished my beautiful nose?
As for the tying of shoes with laces, Mom rarely uses them, but when she does, I'm right there, her ears and nose in reach, and if I'm really fast I can sometimes get her cheeks or neck, she yells at me, but I can tell she doesn't mean it. She does not let me play with any of her shoes however, but she does give me squishy toys, some with great noses to chew off, and sometimes hard eyes to chew off too. I only like my toys without hard parts. I have a need to chew them off and spit them out, I always try to leave them where Mom will step on them. But Mom has been buying only softy toys, and chew toys lately.
Anyway, I wish I had a large yard to run in, if we lived where you do would you let a poodle dog play with you? I'm kinda lonely since Zeus left us.
Have a great time playing with blinnies and the orchard and all that stuff.
Roux 'b Doux (poodle with greyhound tendencies, honest)
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
A'course we'd let u big poodle dog cum'n play. Ther Missus loves Standerd Poodles an Heidi thinks yer ther ants pants. Look whut yer do is get ter Ad'laide then choof on up ther Barrier till yer gets ter us. Ut takes abaht half a toilet stop ter get here, s'long an yer nut one uv them little dogs thut need ter go all'a time. Ther missus says ter cum in winter when ther grass seeds n'thut are all dead an won't get in yer coat.
Ther Missus wunt let us play with her Blunnies, Angie ther foster dog took them both dahn ther orchard t'other night after ther Missus had left 'em by ther door. Ther Missus had ter go dahn in her bare feet on ther cold wet grass ter get 'em. She's mutterin' under her breath, "I'll skin 'er alive!" all ther way dahn. Dun know whut she's complainin' abaht, we goes bare foot all'a time.
Heidi is real chuffed yer though ther picture wus uv er squashed Scratchy too. She thought she might uv made er bit uv er Mopoke uv herself, I sed she were a garbla snags short uv er barbie but she ses if a downy bird like you thought so too ut proves ut were "just an honest mistake". Dun she talk lah-di dah?
yer mate, Clyde.
Comment by Roux
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Wow, I'd sure love to come visit but mom says the trip would take too long and that it would be bad for me in a plane and crate that long. I'm not sure what a crate and plane are, I know what she put Zeus in once but I don't think that's a crate it looks like a big plastic box with a front door. Anyway mom says she'd have to sell something like her house and car to afford to take both of us to Arstralia (I know that's not the right spelling but mom just laughed when I asked, she's been doing that a lot lately).
Anyway it doesn't look like I'll be able to come and visit anytime soon, but I'll keep at mom and maybe she'll sell her house, whatever that means, so we can travel.
Your friend, Roux
Oh, tell Heidi that I think it was an honest mistake too, I mean, that picture was scary.
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
I am worried about you being lonely, we'd love you to visit us but if that is going to cost too much of that money stuff the Humans keep on about ask your Mom to get you another Greyhound. I know it wouldn't be Zeus but you would be so busy trying to teach him how to behave around a properly brought up lady like yourself, you wouldn't have time to be lonely and in time you could grow to like him. I confess I saw little promise in Clyde when he first came to live here and heaven knows, I've had little luck teaching him to be couth, but in the end you can't help becoming fond of the big dope, he's such a well meaning idiot you have to love him.
your good friend,
Heidi.
Comment by Roux
I've asked mom for another greyhound and she almost got one to foster but then she got sick and had to cancel that. Right now I think she's thinking about a smaller dog until we move to the country, whatever that means. She also said something about getting me well trained as a therapy dog, again I don't know what that means and I was pretty sure I had her well trainedd already. But it sure is good to have friends like you and Clyde and Scratchy and Daisy to talk to even if you aren't in driving distance. Oh well, I'll keep on at her about traveling, maybe she'll win that lottery thing she's always talking about and I could travel frist class or something and that would be easier.
Your good friend,
Roux
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
The country is where we live so maybe you'll be able to visit after all? We like the country, when we have to go down to Adelaide we have to put up with horrid smelling air (even the Missus with her joke of a nose complains) and you can't see much because of all the buildings and it's hard to find places to walk when we need to empty ourselves. In the country we can see for miles and the air smells great except when they are spraying the crops and we can walk for ages and not have to worry about where we empty and not see anyone else but our horse friends. You will like living in the country.
Love from Heidi.
Comment by Roux
Mom said something about crossing our fingers, me my toes, 'cause surprisingly someone she knows looked at our building yesterday and liked it. Maybe he'll buy it and we can move and get our little farm going. I sure hope so, I want to run and run and run, but until we move I can't. Mom says I'm a greyhound wanna be, but again I don't know what that means, since I thought I was one, she says I'm a poodle dog, and that's ok, but aren't I also a greyhound? Just fuzzier? It's very confusing.
I love running, mom says I'll run until I'm exhausted and start having heat stroke. She then throws me in the big thing that holds water and hose me down with warm water, it feels good but I still don't understand what she means by overheating.
Love back to you (and Clyde), Roux
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
I think you are what the humans would call an honorary Greyhound. That means you aren't quite a greyhound because you are a Poodle dog (the Missus wants to know what colour you are, she has a passion for rich brown coloured Standard Poodles) but we Greyhounds accept that at heart you are one of us. I think getting heat stroke is like when we get days when it gets really really hot (the Missus says to tell your mum temperatures above 110 F) and we have to stay inside with the air conditioner whilst she goes and sprays the poultry cages down. It is really nasty and we are all glad when it stops. We are all crossing our fingers and toes for you, living on a farm is lovely. I think we would like you to cross your fingers and toes for Clyde too. He has to have an x-ray tomorrow. We don't know what that is but the Boss and the Missus are sort of anxious and that makes us a bit anxious too.
your worried friend,
Heidi.
Comment by Roux
I and Me
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I'm going to talk to the great Dog tonight before mom and I go to sleep, and ask him to take care of Clyde, and make this xray thing be OK. Nuzzle him for me tonight and tell him that his friend in Texas will send bright white light towards him to keep him safe.
You can tell you Missus that I have a black coat, that is curly and when mom has me get a hair cut in the winter she says that I look like fine velvet.
Also, thank you and all the other greyhounds for callling me an honorary Greyhound, I feel really good about that 'cause I run really fast and I can run lots of laps around a yard. I could run more circuits tha Zeus, he'd get tired faster, but he did run a little faster than me even with his bad leg.
So thank you, and tell Clyde to buckle up, mom says that sometimes I'm not sure what that means, but let him know I care too.
Your equally worried friend,
Roux.
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
Kalloo, Kallay! We are so happy, Clyde was away for ages and I thought the Missus would never bring him back but when she did she was all smiles. The x-ray thing was all good and I'm going to have to put up with him for ever after all! He's had this limp thing for ages and the Missus has been treating a corn on his foot (he's got one on both his front feet but only one of them seems to hurt him). The trouble was that his limp has been getting worse not better so the Vets began to wonder if there was something nasty going on in his shoulder that was being disguised by the corn. They talked about Cancer and the Missus said that was grim. But it isn't Cancer. After the x-ray the vet put an sleepy injection thingy (I know about injections that make you sleepy because I donate blood to the vets when we haven't got a foster dog here to do it) into his toe to make the pain sleepy and he walked almost properly. He says it was "real good-oh" to walk without his foot hurting. The vet says the corn has done some permanent damage to the bone under it and that's why his limp is so bad. So now they know and the Missus is going to attack the corn for another month to get it as little as possible and then the vet says he'll take a bit of that toe off so Clyde won't put pressure on the damaged bit and he'll walk better.
He can't go for long walks at the moment and can't manage a whole obedience class and can't run around much. He won't know himself. He's going to be a proper clown again. I'm not sure I'll be able to cope.
I'm so happy, the big fool is always saying I'm his best mate even when I tell him what a dope he is. I'd never tell him but he's my best mate too.
You know how lazy us Greyhounds can be? Do you think that when he has lost a toe he'll be a real three toed sloth instead of just a slothful Greyhound?
The Missus is over the moon. We've only had Clyde with us for a year and a bit and she was really unhappy at the thought of losing him so soon. He was such a good race dog he didn't retire until he was six and a half, he had 107 starts and came first 37 times and was placed 37 times, whenever the Missus goes to pick up a new foster dog Sweet Matt (aka Clyde) always goes along because all the trainers like to see him and give him a cuddle, he was such a happy dope of a hound when he ran that he was a real favourite.
The Missus says that if she'd known you lived in Texas she'd have told me not to bother telling you how hot it gets here because it gets just as hot in Texas. She says Texas and South Australia, where we live, are really similar in lots of ways. The Boss and Missus had a student from Texas come to stay with them ages ago and he taught them a lot about it.
Clyde says to say thank you for all the prayers to the Great Dogess and for the bright light thoughts. We are sure they helped.
The Missus says you must be quite beautiful especially in winter but why do you get your hair cut in winter? It is Summer when all the Grass Seeds are out that is dangerous for long haired dogs here. She also says we had better exchange addresses before Mr Champion notices that we've hijacked his blog site and tells us off. She's not sure how we go about doing that though without telling the whole world. Maybe Mr Champion won't notice for a while.
Your very happy friend,
Heidi.
Comment by Roux
As to why I get a clip in the winter, well my hair gets really thick, and mom can't keep it neat enough. So she doesn't have me clipped short but down to velvet looking, it's plenty warm enough, really. And in the summer she gets me clipped even shorter so I'm cool enough and can bake in the sun for as long as I want in the front window.
Back to Clyde and you two being best mates, that's how it was with Zeus and me, but we tried not to tell each other when he left and didn't come back mom told me what had happened but I didn't understand. I think I do now, and I'm so very happy that you don't have to go through the same thing. It's so hard to lose a mate like that and sometimes the people don't explain it well enough.
Clyde doesn't have to thank me for the prayers and white light, it was my pleasure and I'm really happy if it helped even a little, I'll say some more and keep sending the light until the corn and toe thing is taken care of, 'cause I can't imagine Clyde not running and playing, he was born to do that and now being restricted must be very frustrating for him. So give him a snuggle for me, and maybe a kiss on the side of his face (I'm a big believer in kisses when mom will let me kiss her I'm happy as a clam).
I think we should figure out a way to get out communications off Mr. Champion's blog too, but then he's a pretty nice guy and pretty generous, plus he has hounds too so he might understand.
If i could figure out how to do the friend thing on Orble than I'd try to do that but I haven't been able to figure it out.
Oh, what the heck, you can reach me at roux@spoiledhounds.com, mom uses other addresses but she made this one just for me.
Take care of yourself and Clyde and curl up with the Missus tonight to give her extra comfort, after all she was scared too, and is probably in need of snuggles to make her feel more secure and us greyhounds are really good at snuggling.
Your friend, Roux
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
You Sheilas give me the sterks. There's Heidi tellin Daisy I'm a plurry dingbat an not worth a brass razoo, an then she goes on abaht me leg like ut's her what's gonna throw a seven. An then when ut's all gunna be good-oh she goes an ses she dun really care but she dun like seein a dumb animal suffer! Ah break ut up, dun cum ther raw prawn with me girl. I may have gum leaves growin aht uv me ears but I din cum down with ther last shower uv rain. She's me best mate an I'm hers an thuts flat.. She can say she dun care till she's blue in ther face, I know she does.
Any way thanks fer keepin her goin when she started packin ut, she's not all she crack up ter be all-a-time an ut helps ter have a friend when yer under ther weather.
Ther Missus is gonna look up yer address fer us.
good on yer Mate.
Clyde.
Comment by Roux
You have to forgive Heidi, she has a very high image to maintain and if she showed that she really cared about you all the time that image would be blown. Yeah, she cares and you are her best friend, but you can't expect her to show that all the time, it would be wrong.
If you showed that you liked Heidi all the time you would be embarrased, wouldn't you? Well, that's how it is with Heidi, remember she has a foster dog to bring up to adoption standards, and if she showed how much she cares about you she might have to show she cared about the foster, and that just wouldn't do.
So, The most important thing is that you are going to be just fine and in no time at all you'll be running your laps like crazy and you'll be faster than any of them again. That's the most important thng. Oh, and that your Missus is now feeling much better and isn't scared for you anymore.
Thank you missus, and tell her I really appreciate it.
Your good friend,
Roux (Poodle dog and Honorary Greyhound)
Comment by Chris Champion
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Just popping in to say the Big Boss, who has been known to call greyhounds lazy, has been too lazy to write in the Zoomies blog lately.
He says he's been too busy running around for work, but as usual, he's not making much sense. Running around is not hard work. Hard work is scratching fleas, and I've never seen fleas on him.
Well, not yet.
Anyway, just thought I'd say hi, and tell you to keep chatting here amongst yourselves, which I see you're doing a great job of.
Later,
Scratchy
Comment by Roux
As for letting Heidi, Clyde and me keep chatting, thanks, I suspect we'll keep doing that until your Bug Boss tells us we've gotta stop, then we might, who knows.
Mom has told me she thought of fixing me up with my own blog where I can do anything I want, like just talk to my friends. This would be good if I knew what a blog was, but having someplace where I could just talk to you, Daisy, Heidi and Clyde might be really fun.
Thanks for checking in, I was beginning to worry about you being sick or something 'cause we haven't heard from you for so long.
Take care and my best to Daisy,
Roux
Comment by Heidi/Clyde
Can yer tells me how ter switch this plurry thing on when ther Missus is up ter her eyeballs washin' chooks?
Dun go tellin me I'm tellin yer a ferphy, she plurry well is an Heidi an me an Angie ther foster hound are gettin real fed up with it. She does it 2 or 3 times a year an uts allus worst at ther end uv winter when she keeps talkin abaht ther Royal. Angie got out an ran round ther chook pens three times ter see whut she was on abaht. Ther Missus chucked a wobbly, goin on abaht broken feathers on potential champions an stuff. We think Angie's gived her a real bad serve.
Look Roux I just wunt ter tells yer thut I dun care who knows Heidi an me are best mates, whuts this embarrasin stuff anyway? If I likes a foster hound I tells em too. I reckons uts hard enough learnin how ter fit in ter house life without us makin ut harder fer them. Heidi ses I'm lamb brained an dun know ther first thing abaht trainin foster hounds but I reckon uts ther ducks guts when a foster hound starts ter learn ter play with us.
Yeah, Roux, I liked yer bit abaht ther BUG Boss when Scratchy ud bin goin on abaht fleas. Extra grouse!
Dun expect too much frum us next week, Ther Missus wunt get time ter help us. Plurry chooks!
Clyde
Comment by Roux
I know how to turn on Mom's machine thingy that I write on, but don't know on your Missus's, but somewhere there is a button that a one or two toes can press it makes all kinds of lights come on and flashes stuff on the picture part.
I'm sorry your Mum is so busy right now that you and Heide and even Angie are getting short shrift (mom told me that word but I'm not sure what it means).
It seems to me that Angie was doing the right thing if she didn't know what was going on, I mean when I frist got here I used to run from the front to the back and let mom know things were happening out side, I tell her real loud but she would tell me that I had to be quiet now, that it was nothing, but it was because there were people out front and out back, but she didn't seem to care. I don't do it as much, or as often but sometime I still yeall at her about stuff going one.
So, you and Heidi, and even Angie, take care, stay out of your mum's way until she calms down a bit and then you all can write back and tell me how things went with the Royal, whatever that is.
Your friend,
Roux
Comment by Roux
I know how to turn on Mom's machine thingy that I write on, but don't know on your Missus's, but somewhere there is a button that a one or two toes can press it makes all kinds of lights come on and flashes stuff on the picture part.
I'm sorry your Mum is so busy right now that you and Heide and even Angie are getting short shrift (mom told me that word but I'm not sure what it means).
It seems to me that Angie was doing the right thing if she didn't know what was going on, I mean when I frist got here I used to run from the front to the back and let mom know things were happening out side, I tell her real loud but she would tell me that I had to be quiet now, that it was nothing, but it was because there were people out front and out back, but she didn't seem to care. I don't do it as much, or as often but sometime I still yeall at her about stuff going one.
So, you and Heidi, and even Angie, take care, stay out of your mum's way until she calms down a bit and then you all can write back and tell me how things went with the Royal, whatever that is.
Your friend,
Roux