The staffie who couldn’t wag
April 16th 2011 01:52
It is not commonly known that Staffordshire bull terriers were entered into the 1991 Pan-galactic Allcomers Happiest Sentient Being competition and, against opponents from every corner of the universe, took first, second and third places.
It is generally accepted that they would have taken more prizes but only three staffies were entered. The organisers of the competition, an Equuleus constellation-based breeder of a large, docile, eight-winged quadruped with a perpetually dopey grin, scrapped plans to hold the event annually.
There is also a common misconception that Staffordshire bull terriers are a pure breed of dog. Analysis of their genetic make-up shows that they are in fact a cross between reinforced concrete and happy gas molecules.
Anyway, there was one at the park this morning. He was black and went by the excellent name of Sumo.
Sumo, it was plain to see, was happier than any creature in this universe or the next. You could tell by his invisible tail. You couldn’t see it because it wagged so fast and so constantly.
But it was not always so, said Sumo’s human. Once Sumo got so happy that he strained his tail. We are not making this up. One presumes the problem was muscular. Whatever, Sumo couldn’t wag his tail until it mended.
That took about 24 hours, his human said. Happiness, it seems, speeds mending.
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